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Sept 1st 2012. ANDY'S COMEDY PAGE. Mr. Clint Eastwood's Empty Chair act at the Republican Convention.  More of Andy's Insights.

Today's it's back to "Andy's Comedy Page." However, many people say that Everything I write is a Joke.

Readers keep asking me to write more, "Two Cows." I view current conditions as NOT very funny, but for this essay I'll return to comedy writing.

My motivations are the many idiots who are still complaining about Clint Eastwood's speech at the Republican's Convention.

For a half century the collected I.Q. of America has been going DOWN. Millions of people at the "welfare level" are genetically stupid. Today the average I.Q. in Bangladesh in 8% higher than in Detroit. When you breed a Donkey and Buffalo you do NOT get a race horse that wins the Kentucky Derby. Or, can populate factories that work.

Before we laugh too hard, let's remember that the US Government has been spend $500 Billion dollars PER YEAR, for the last 45 years, trying to prove that Donkeys and Buffalos DO produce race horses.

Anyway, were not talking about stupid people in the ghetto. We're talking about the STUPID National TV reporter "Stars," and National Newspaper Reporters who are too brain dead to see that Clint Eastwood was doing a Shelley Berman and Bob Newhart comedy act.

See my comments from yesterday for more details.

Good writers, can and do imitate Mr. Berman's and Mr. Newhart's style. However, apparently the reporters on TV and in Newsprint are so dumb they CANNOT even recognize Mr. Berman's/Newhart's kind of act when they see it.

Over the last 20 years when I've called America's news reporters, "Brain Dead," I did not fully understand how accurate I was.

Here's an ORIGINAL script based on the "empty person" comedy style of the great Mr. Shelly Berman, and the great Mr. Bob Newhart. The views and words are mine, NOT Mr. Eastwood's.

OPENING CURTAIN. Mr. Clint Eastwood is standing next to an empty chair.

Eastwood: "Today we have the honor of talking to Mr. Crum Creamer. The great stock market expert, and TV Star who's nightly TV show, Mad Manager Money is watched by eight-three million viewers. A big hand for Mr. Creamer."

Audience applauds.

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Well, ah, thank you Mister Creamer. It's, ah, nice of you to say that I'm still sexy even at my age."

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Ah, I guess we could do dinner some night, and I do think your bald spot is kind of manly."

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Thank you, but, ah, I'm, ah, more interested in your, ah, views on the stock market. Yesterday, Friday, Ben Bernanke said the economy was dog crap, and the stock market went way up. That's, ah, kind of what usually happens when Bernanke says the economy is Crap, and it seems contradictory? You'd think stocks would go down rather than up?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "I'm not getting it?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Wall Street is loven' it when Bernanke says the economy is dog crap? Ah, you're right - I don't understand."

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "So if the economy is dog crap, ah, that means Bernanke will make a lot more Queer Money, and it the Queer Money that Wall Street really loves?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "You're saying that Wall Street lives for more Queer? There's nothing Wall Street loves more than Bernanke's Queer Money?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Really! Well, ah, I guess Wall Street and Hollywood have a lot more in common than I ever thought."

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Yes, you're right about that too. The accounting in Hollywood for decades has been just as queer as the accounting on Wall Street."

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "You love rubbing Bernanke's Queer money all over your body until you do what?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "But, ah, doesn't that make the money all sticky?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Yeah, you're right, the money will dry. But, ah, won't it be stained?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "So, you, ah, just tell people you spilled some coffee creamer on the money?"

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "You're correct, it is Mister Creamer's cream that stained the money. You're not lying. That's very good."

Empty Chair:

Eastwood: "Yes, I think your bald stop is sexier than Bernanke's. Thank you for coming Mr. Creamer. Goodnight everyone - see you next time - I'm loven' it."

CERTAIN CLOSE.